Last weekend while I was cleaning my room, my dad walked in and asked me if I had a place where I store keepsakes. My grandfather had given him an envelope of coins for me years ago and he just happened to remember it on this particular day and gave them to me. I like to focus on the task at hand so I set the envelope down and continued putting away my laundry. My boyfriend, however, jumped up and started investigating the collection. A few minutes later I glanced over at him to find the strangest look on his face. I demanded to know what was going on. Apparently one of the coins was a fifty dollar coin, one pure ounce of gold. You can google what that’s worth. I immediately started to find out where to sell it, yes I would love to keep an ounce of gold but ain’t nobody got time for that, I could really use the cash.
Double rainbow at Great Sand Dunes National Park in Colorado.
Despite being ecstatic about what just happened, I felt super strange. I couldn’t believe that this gold coin had inevitably been coming my way and that once again, after passing away, my grandfather was looking out for me. My aunt ended up buying it to keep it in the family ’cause she understood why I needed to sell it but didn’t want it to disappear quite yet. I think it was better than winning the lottery (not sum-wise, of course) because I didn’t enter for this prize, it just stumbled into my presence one day.
Later in the week I went to a dietetics professional meeting and in the center of the table sat a small, deep purple violet, with the plastic wrap still around it. I had a hunch that it was going to be a door prize. I was taken aback for a moment because of the fact that it was a violet – that was a plant my grandmothers (yes, both of them) always had around. Early that week I had been talking and thinking about how much I miss my grandmothers, especially the one on my dad’s side, who I was very close with. Not much to my surprise, I ended up with that plant and started to feel anxious. I was getting nervous that all three of my deceased grandparents were looking out for me and sending me a message all in the span of three days. I was terrified someone was going to die, like it was some kind of bad omen. I’m clearly a really bad gift receiver.
I realize now, a week later, that that was a beautiful gift from my grandparents who are still loving me and looking out for me. I know some people would scoff at that notion but to me it’s a pretty incredible feeling and it came at such a good time (I realize anyone can die at any time so I’ve dismissed that initial fear and am trying to accept my gift wholeheartedly.) It’s very easy for me to be a glass half-full kind of gal for others but when it comes to my own issues I absolutely see that it’s half empty at first. I always think the worst and this experience forced me to just accept that in life there are good and bad things, but sometimes good things are going to happen and I just need to accept it, not anticipate doom.
The third major thing that happened was just the other day. I came home from a weekend away needing to do some food shopping to prep for the week. I opened the fridge to check out what I needed and noticed that it was completely stuffed with food that mostly did not belong to me. I was pretty irritated because I had a long list of items that need to be refrigerated and now had nowhere to put them. Regardless of how grateful I am for being able to live rent-free, I want to be independent and have a refrigerator I can use however I want to without worrying about other peoples’ space or my food disappearing because my stuff was perceived to be old and tossed or somebody got a hankering for my food. I was shocked when my dad and stepmom suggested buying a new refrigerator. I immediately thought of a ton of other things that money could be used for and how utterly ridiculous it would look to have two refrigerators in the kitchen. We already have two Keurigs (long story.) I’m a very visual person and hate when things do not look right.
Right: the definition of how things should be that I or society placed in my head, therefore holding me back from contentment at almost all times.
Regardless of my resistance they went and bought a refrigerator immediately. It was a whole scene… how many Lewises does it take to install a refrigerator? 😉 After my insecurities and frustrations subsided I was pretty overwhelmed with gratefulness because it’s a much more functional situation for our not-so-normal family unit.
I’m really tired of wasting my time worrying when all those moments could instead be filled with peace and happiness. Now, I have this tiny plant exuberating love and comfort every time I see it, some major stress relief paying off bills with my ounce of gold AND a nice, spacious refrigerator where my food is safe.
Enjoy the big and little things and don’t let worries keep you down.