what to do when you’re waiting for the day when everything will change

Four days. In four days everything will change. Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit but that’s how it feels. On April 3rd at 6pm I will log on to a site where I paid a computer to (fingers crossed so tightly) match me to one of the dietetic internships I applied to. I’ve been waiting for this day since I decided to pass on applications in February of 2014; since I got denied one of the four slots available for the Virginia WIC Dietetic Internship last July; since I paid $46 to fed ex some checks to internships because the day applications were due/everything needed to be postmarked was a federal holiday.

FullSizeRender (1)

Cap Mac food truck in DC. Cheeze-It crumbles. Need I say more?

Waiting is difficult. I have little to no patience and as each day goes on, the harder the waiting game becomes. I was explaining this whole situation to my therapist the other day and she wasn’t quite understanding how important match day is. I told her that I want to become a dietitian so badly that just thinking about it sets a fire within me because I’ve never wanted something so badly in my entire life. She gave me a wide-eyed look and said, “I can see that.”

I’ve done literally everything in my power since graduation to overcome the giant boulder in my way that is having graduated with a lousy GPA in order to become a competitive internship applicant. I feel so deeply that I deserve this and I couldn’t want it anymore. I’m absolutely terrified of being rejected for the second time because at that point I may need to face that this is not my reality at the moment and reassess what in the world I’m going to do with my life. I constantly have to keep reminding myself that if I don’t get accepted it doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough period, just that I’m not good enough to be a 2016/2017 intern. I seriously don’t want to have to swallow that pill. Again.

I have been trying to occupy all of my time so that I don’t go crazy thinking about every second passing bringing me closer to the announcement. I’ve found myself constantly checking my planner to see if I can somehow fill it with more things to do. Yesterday I made a list of what happens if I get accepted to an internship, for each one, as well as some back up plans. That helped for about 4 hours.

If you’re ever in a situation like this, here is a list of things I’ve found helpful in calming me down and passing the time.

  1. Go to a food truck festival. We hit one up this weekend in DC and despite the frigid windy weather, some bangin’ mac & cheese and a few glasses of wine made me forget all my worries. Not to mention watching some veeerrrry drunk people make fools of themselves by pretending a giant foam mustache was a trumpet and grinding on a girl who may or may not have wanted to be within a 50 mile radius of said drunk person.
  2. Run. Not away, just for exercise. Leave all your trouble behind you as each foot hits the pavement.
  3. Take a relaxing bubble bath. This was my plan Monday night but I ended up spending 4.5 hours on food prep. That also kept me occupied, but that’s a weird thing to put on this list.
  4. Volunteer in your community. You will leave glad you passed some time being a good person. I have an event coming up Saturday where I will be, of course, talking about healthy eating as part of overall stress relief for child abuse prevention month. I’m pumped that prepping for that will kill some major time for the rest of the week.
  5. Candlelit yoga. A calming environment leading up to the few minutes of bliss where you get to lie there in perfectly still Shavasana. Great use of time, also wonderful couple activity if you’re into being cute.
  6. Plan something new and exciting. Me and one of my besties are going to run a 10K in June and I spent a good amount of time yesterday preparing a training plan because I’ve never run 6.2 miles before and don’t wanna be left in the dust.
  7. Reorganize and declutter. It’s always refreshing. Just don’t pack away clothes for one season before the next starts thinking you’re ridding yourself of it cause the cold air is still kicking my butt for that one.
  8. Read. My girlfriends and I have completed our third book of 2016 for our book club. I’m learning a lot and feeling smarter already.
  9. Listen to podcasts. They’re free!! I’ve been hooked on podcasts for the last several months, starting with Serial, about the Adnan Syed case. It’s been extra fun because I’ve been binging every time I’m alone in my car to catch up on past episodes. Podcasters are extremely articulate and I’ve found myself articulating better as well! I’ve never been great at speaking, everything gets super jumbled and comes out wrong, but I’m getting better. I’m also saying the f word a lot more because one of the podcasts I listen to does. I’m seriously like an impressionable toddler.
  10. Everything happens for a reason and you can’t change the outcome at this point so keep that chin up and keep moving forward!