It’s a very good thing I have no problem admitting that I was wrong, because I have to do it all the time. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that when I was in college I stated that I would NEVER move back home because I was independent and ready to be on my own. Well here I am one year and eight months after graduation living at home. Is there an end to this/start to my true independence in sight? Ha ha ha. No.
After we lost some precious water on a Grand Canyon hike. Ironically we all still live at home.
While I was in school I obviously heard of lots of people graduating and not finding jobs in their field, (including my boyfriend) but per usual I assumed that wouldn’t happen to me. I would get my internship, get my RD and get a job. And none of that would include moving back into one of my parent’s homes.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be living rent/utility free and occasionally being fed for free/getting to pick through groceries the house is regularly stocked with. I think I really got the best of this situation because my dad is happy I live here considering I didn’t live with him for about 17 years of my life. He’s also pretty newly married and I think my stepmom likes the chance to be able to spend time with and get to know me as well. As lucky I am for the freedom I have to come and go as I please without much questioning, a half bath and bedroom which is large enough for a walk in closet, living room and office area inside of it, I wish I lived on my own.
I think a lot of it stems from my expectations I have for myself that I should be on my own at this point. I also desire to be able to walk around with less than the appropriate level of clothing on, decorate how I please, take a shower whenever I want and not having to feel guilty for hiding in my room when I come home from a long day and do not have the desire to converse with anyone.
Most of the time when I’m frustrated with other people over something relatively petty, it’s because there’s something going on with me and I take that inner frustration that I don’t understand, let it build and boom I’m mad about something unrelated to the issue. Case in point, I want to be on my own and can’t. Why can’t I?? Because I need to stay at my current job until I find out about internships for one thing. I do have two separate projects I’m working on to increase income doing things I love but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m frustrated that I don’t make enough money to be independent and it’s going to be a while until I get there. So instead of pouting until 20?? I’m trying to think positively about it.
I’ve successfully been operating financially under a budget which is laid out as my monthly ledger and kept nearby in my planner at all times. My savings account is ridiculously pathetic and my credit card debt is hefty because the other thing I was wrong about was guessing what my tax return would be. Last year after working minimally part time and starting a full-time job in 2014, I got a tax return 4x the size of anything I’d ever seen. In my uninformed state of pretending so hard to be a real adult, I figured working twelve months at that job and paying even more taxes I should get a much nicer refund – because I don’t make enough to live on my own as it is. This kind of thinking lent to easing my mind at using credit cards for purchases I knew I couldn’t pay off immediately because I thought I would be getting a lump sum and paying it off anyway. The reality check came today when my accountant told me my refund is exactly the same as last year. I did not do my homework on taxes and my financial status is suffering now because of it.
I really need to do some rethinking about my spending which is totally up in the air for what this year will look like depending on acceptance to internships. Thankfully, I have basically completely replaced my wardrobe now from having lost so much weight and as soon as my retail credit cards are paid off that will be behind me. I won’t be spending thousands and thousands of dollars on clothing this year… at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
I have to be honest with my readers. I still haven’t freaking started meditating yet. I’m embarrassed to admit that but when I do I think I’m going to make my mantra this quote I’ve had saved in my phone for a while, “Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.” This has to help ease my mind.
Something’s gotta give and looking at how the past year has gone I’m not so sure it’s gonna be a change in my financial status for the better. I have all my basic needs met and more so I just need to keep doing my best every day to get where I need to be.