Exactly a year ago today, I posted my first ever reflection post. I actually remember shaking with nervousness when I hit publish because I had absolutely no idea what door I was opening. The response I got was overwhelming. No, unfortunately, I did not become a professional blogger who got to quit her job to rake in the dough at home, but I did get some incredible feedback and built relationships with people online and in real life because I let the world (my several hundred FB friends) know what’s going on inside my head.
Anyway, since it’s a year later I figured another “life lessons” post was fitting because I strive to be the best me I can be and it’s really cool to look back and see how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned. So here goes.
1) Less partying = better life quality.
I’ve come a long way in the past year with my issue with alcohol. I’m not going to rehash it, but I am proud to report there have only been two instances in this entire year where I even remotely embarrassed myself being a drunken fool. And I’m confident one of those doesn’t really count. The lifestyle I had developed was easy. For one, I literally was easy, but what I’m getting at is that it’s easier to slip away into a drunken paradise that separates you from everything you have to think and worry about than it is to be a real, functioning person. There have been so many times where I daydreamed of going back to my old ways but I’m quick to snap out of that and remember how much better life is as a responsible adult who can let loose and have some tequila every now and then but doesn’t let that rule her life.
2) I still need to take the time to quiet my mind.
An entire year has gone by since I listed that same lesson. I wrote a post in June about how I was going to stray from my social media addiction and start meditating daily. I’ve had endless conversations about how much I want to. I’ve even gone so far as to download two apps onto my phone to guide me in meditation and I haven’t done a darn thing. It all goes back to the stages of change. I know the benefits, I know I need to do it and how much better things could be if I could quiet the thoughts racing through my mind like Olympic athletes, but I’m just not ready to take the action. I’m hoping I will make that change in 2016.
3) I deserve to be loved.
I’ve alluded to my issues a few times about understanding that I deserve to be loved and treated well. It stems from a long list of things I am not quite ready to share with the entire world, but regardless it exists. My walls go up constantly. I’m defensive and sometimes down right mean because that’s what I’ve learned to do to “protect” myself since my boyfriend and I broke up in 2012 and I quickly went down a treacherously slippery slope of bad choices that led to an even more broken heart every single time. I was extremely cautious on getting back together because I was afraid that I was too broken and that I don’t deserve someone like him and also that I couldn’t ever bare to lose someone I care about that much again. We still have a long road ahead of us but the patience and kindness he has shown me and the countless times he tells me never to forget how much he loves me is finally starting to sink in. I’m letting him back in but this time I feel a little bit safer because I know I am able to survive on my own and once you get to that place that’s when I believe you can truly let someone else in.
4) Work sucks, I know.
Channeling some Blink 182 here. The struggle I’ve had with my job this past year is not something I can divulge many details of because I still work there and need to keep my job, but it’s far from a secret that I’m unhappy there. For almost this entire year I’ve been convinced that something is wrong with me because of the struggles I’m having and every single person I talk to tells me it’s like that everywhere. But I’m convinced I can and will find a job I fit better in and I refuse to lose sight of that. In no way do I mean to insult anyone who loves it there or give the impression that I wish I never worked there. I’ve learned so many things and met so many incredible people. WIC will truly always hold a special place in my heart regardless of the negatives. I’ve continually beat myself up over not having a better attitude about it and not being able to look more towards the bright side. I finally had the strength to own who I am and what I want and accept that it’s not what I’m doing currently and to not force myself to pretend anymore simply to please others. I’m saying sorry less, remember?
5) Reading is important.
I purchased so many books over the past year and got through one of them. My attention span is horrible. I can barely sit down to read because I’m so used to changing from 5 or 6 separate screens on my phone or computer, hurrying to get to the most interesting one and on the occasion where nothing is interesting I start the cycle over and over. There was a time in my life where I was a total book-nerd and now I’m a total internet addict. It’s so nice to read off of paper and give my eyes a break from the computer screen. This is one example of where I want to regress; to someone who does not care about her phone as if it’s as vital to her life as her heartbeat. In turn I believe it will make me a better person, especially in the eyes of every single person I’ve ever annoyed by giving more attention to a piece of technology than a living person in front of me.
There you have it, five things that stand out to me about what I figured out this year. Really excited to see what 2016 brings! Happy New Year!
Btw, I have a goal of posting once a week this year. I hope you enjoyed the first one!